radscum need not apply

Sometimes I think about how frightening or even simply unpleasant sex is in our culture. Typically, it’s some passive person lying back while some one else climbs on top of them and does whatever. Especially cis heterosexual sex. Which is typically a cis woman lying on her back and some cis guy who’s 1.5 times bigger than she is climbs on top of her and likely sees his own pleasure as more important than hers. And is not willing to do much to make her feel super comfortable or good—or at the very least, has been trained this entire time that his job is to stick his dick inside and that’s going to magically make her go ecstatic like in most of the porn he’s watched.

I mean, I’ve read things about women never orgasming for six years in a marriage. To me, the worry here is not women not being pleased, which is what a lot of sex positive feminists would focus on—like that sucks. But the worry for me is I’m imagining these women, metaphorically gagged by patriarchy, lying back and enduring something they feel obligated to do for years and how that’s not consent. And I think about the man in that situation, who doesn’t give a fuck about how she feels or at least has been conditioned to tune it out and see her as a thing to put his dick in. I guess for me that’s sometimes why I can’t connect with sex positive feminism because it’s not, in my mind, really about getting women to like sex or telling them to be more “open.” It’s about fighting and undoing generations of cultural conditioning that give men agency and steal it away from women, that in doing so, encourage men to coerce and rape. I actually think it’s healthy to fear sex somewhat in our culture. To fear men. To know that if you are alone in a bedroom with a guy, coercion, rape, pain and discomfort are likely outcomes of the experience.

  1. cozmopolitan reblogged this from theroguefeminist and added:
    this is hilarious.
  2. dontfuuseyourway reblogged this from theroguefeminist and added:
    I’m laughing so hard at this because honestly I’m a virgin and I think I understand sex better than you
  3. elpatron56 reblogged this from theroguefeminist and added:
    I seriously didn’t want to divulge too much about myself, but men won’t be done with “it” just like that. I’ve had the...
  4. socialjusticehd reblogged this from theroguefeminist and added:
    Oh my god you are so right! As a demisexual I am able to avoid all of this nonsense, and focus on what really matters:...
  5. brests reblogged this from theroguefeminist and added:
    Here, let me fix this for you because you don’t know what you’re talking about: Sometimes I think about how frightening...
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